Kelly Brown Peer Edits:

1. What are some areas that could use more detail? Why?
I liked the beginning, but mabey add some more aboutthe relationship the kids had with their mom, so we really understand how close they were/are.


2. What additional sources might the author use? Does the lead involve you in the story?
I liked that you used a source that was a part of the planning, but mabey add a source that was a participant, or B.J and his sister. Or even a donor. See what made them want to do it. Or it would be cool if you found someone else who had or knew someone with that desiese, and see what they think about the hoop-a-thon.

3. Do the first 450 words contain a well defined scene (a detailed description of someone doing something or something happening)? What is it? If not, make a suggestion for a scene that might work.
I like the first 450 word scene. It worked well with the two kids and their mom.
4. What questions would you like answered in the next 300 words? What would you like to see or hear more of? Less of? Include, any other suggestions you have for improvement.
I would like to see what happened to their mom. But I reall like it so foar! Nice work!